Help! I’m a terrible mother!

posted in: Gifts for her | 0

Now, I don’t know about you but this is something that pops into my mind on a fairly regular basis. And I know from talking to chums that I’m not alone with this.

Being a Mum can be bloody hard work. When they’re babies we’re tired out and cranky. When they’re older they argue with each other (if you’ve more than one) and older still the attitude arrives!

Then you add work into the mix. And hormones. And other family commitments like older parents. Never mind your poor old other half if there is one.

So what are the top things we feel bad about and what can we do to feel better? Here’s my list:

  • I’ve shouted at my child – I feel bad. This is something we all do even though we really would like not to. We know really that if we’d had enough rest and didn’t have 100 things on our mind it wouldn’t happen. We love our kids and all we can do is not berate ourselves. If I have shouted and I wish I hadn’t I’ll say sorry. I’ll make light of it and we’ll laugh at my ridiculous shouty face! I think this helps to lighten the mood a little. What do you think? We also still read this brilliant book because it still applies and we change the accordingly depending on who’s been on a short fuse that day! The toothpaste is “too minty” and ballet is “too itchy”! We can all related!
  • I don’t feel like I see my children enough. Any of us who work probably feel this from time to time. Our lives are busy & we have to work to pay the bills. After school clubs and child minders are a very ordinary part of life and certainly help to equip kids with valuable social skills. A working Mum is a also a great role model for kids but only if you enjoy working and can show the kids the benefits. If you don’t enjoy working and you miss seeing the small people is there a way to get more balance? It’s certainly not easy and it might mean big upheavals to get there. Is there any way you can save money so that you can drop some time at work? There are some brilliant resources out there not least this website by Becky Goddard Hill.
  • I don’t bake/read/paint/go to the cinema enough with my child. If you feel bad about this and want to incorporate more activities then how about making an activity jar? When the kids we’re little we had a “Marvellous Mondays” box. The box was stuffed full of activity ideas (rainy day ones on blue paper, sunny day ones on yellow paper) which we’d sat down together and written. It was lovely to pull one of these out every week and know wed have quality time together. Just make sure that you’re realistic about the activities. “visit the seaside” might not be possible after school if you live in Nottingham!

Try not to feel bad about it all. I know this is easier said than done particularly if you’re prone to anxiety or depression as many of us are. Try and chunk a little bit of time out for you so stop you from functioning on the edge. Even if it’s just a quiet 15 minute cuppa before anyone gets up in the morning. I’ve created a wellness poster that you can download for free as a little reminder of all the things you can do to stay well. You can even use it as a screen saver or wall paper as a daily nudge.

You are doing an amazing job even though our minds have a habit of telling us something different! Make sure you give yourself credit, tell other Mums what a great job they are doing and try to make a tiny bit of time in your week for you.

I’d love to hear what part of being a Mum makes you feel bad – please feel free to comment and see how many shared things we have!

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